One of the main reasons people end up in divorce court issues is money issues. Money is a very emotional part of life due to what it means for any one person or family. Money, no matter what anyone says, can buy some measure of happiness and security. After all, if you have enough money to meet your basic needs you are better off than a large portion of the world.
- Differing Money Personalities – When two people come together in a relationship it doesn’t mean they end up with the same money personalities. Some people are spenders, and other people are savers. Some people never even give money a thought and like to live minimally while, yet others love to shop and find bargains. Everyone is different, and it’s important to know how you’re different so that you can make allowances for the other person’s needs.
- The Need for Control – Some of us have more controlling personalities than others. We like to oversee our financial futures and cannot even think of giving that over to someone else. If you’re in a relationship where both people want to be in control of the finances but have different ideas of how that looks problems can ensue.
- Dissimilar Communication Styles – Sometimes it just comes down to how you communicate about money. If it makes you emotional, you may seem defensive, and when one person is defensive, it can make the other person also get defensive. Thus, a conflict arises and continues due to misunderstandings.
- Varied Money Histories – How your parents were about money makes a big impact on what you think of money. If money was a problem growing up between your parents, it could throw off your relationship with money in a way that causes problems in your relationship. Are you repeating what your parents did?
- Secretive About Money & Spending – If one party is often secretive and even lies about how and where they spent money, it can make it hard to stick to a budget, which can end up causing problems eventually. If you or your spouse is being secretive about money, this is something that must be dealt with right away.
- Different Money Values – One person’s value is not always another’s. Each person values money different. One person may love fine jewelry while the other likes to save money and spend on experiences.
- Conflicting Spending Habits – You like to spend money on eating out, he likes to eat at home, mostly because you’re cooking, and the two of you don’t see eye to eye about how to spend that money. It requires a discussion about household responsibilities, as well as how each of you feels so you can find a middle ground, where you both compromise.
- Incompatible Saving Habits – If one of you is a good saver and the other can’t stick to the budget, this can mess up the savings plans and cause conflicts in the relationship. In this case, the saver needs to understand they can’t be miserly, but the spender needs to be more realistic and careful.
- Income Earning Disparities – If one person earns substantially more than the other, it can be very difficult to get along, moneywise. One of the best solutions for this situation, if it’s realistic in your circumstance, is to let each person pay for bills based on the percentage of total income they earn. It’s very important that each person have some money allotted for their own spending needs, even if one person earns far less.
- Conflicting Ideas About What’s Important to Spend On – One person likes to decorate the house with new things the other likes buying used. One likes to recycle the other doesn’t. One likes to buy experiences the other would prefer to spend on their home. These problems can arise in any relationship resulting in fights over money.
To avoid these types of problems you might want to talk to a financial planner about the issues. There are also marriage counselors and marriage coaches who can help you deal with these issues in a manner that will make things better for both of you.
