It probably happens to everyone once, at least in a lifetime. You’re going about your day, minding your own business, with your own plans and suddenly someone shows up uninvited and unexpectedly hoping to visit with you and stay with you in your home. What should you do?
Analyze the Situation
The first thing you’re going to want to do, which you won’t have much time to do, is to consider whether sending them away will have repercussions that you can deal with or not. Sometimes it is easier to just give in, set a time limit, and then move on. Sometimes the right thing to do is say no. You’ll have to figure this out within about five minutes of opening your door.
Be Courteous but Set Your Boundaries
Greet your visitors with a smile and say something that is nice but also lets them know you have important boundaries. “Wow, such a surprise to see you! Why didn’t you call me first, I hate that you traveled all this way for nothing as we’re on our way out the door.” Or whatever you are ready to do instead of being with them if that’s the case.
Let Them Know about Pre-Existing Obligations
If you do have obligations that you cannot change, you’ll have to tell them within the first few minutes. They may uninvite themselves at that point, allowing you to avoid that discomfort. However, if they don’t say anything, you’ll have to be more direct. If you don’t mind them staying at your home alone, you can let them know that’s what’s going to happen too. If you have no plans other than watching TV, that is not their business.
Offer to Pay for Their Hotel Accommodations
If you can afford it, and you really don’t want them to stay with you, offer to give them money for their hotel. Just state that you aren’t prepared for guests right now, but the hotel down the street is very nice, and you’ll be happy to pay for it. If you cannot offer to pay, at least point out the price and where it is. They should get the hint.
Ask Them to Contribute to Their Stay
If you can let them stay, but you don’t want to feel taken advantage of, give them ways that they can contribute to their stay – such as letting them clean up the area they’ll stay in themselves since you weren’t ready. Mention to them that you’re happy to fix dinner for everyone but you’ll need a few things at the store, and you’ll make them a list. The more you ask them to do, the more fun you’ll have and the more you’ll discourage this from happening again.
Explain the Best Way to Contact You First in the Future
At some point in this visit, you’ll want to have an open and honest discussion with the visitors about the best way to enjoy time with you. Reminding them of your contact details, and asking them to check with you first about your plans, can save them time and money and can save you stress.
Make Your Excuses
When people drop by without calling, they know it’s a risk. It’s not rude to say, “I can’t right now.” It’s not rude to say no; it’s perfectly acceptable to say, “Oh, wow, so great to see you, sadly, I’m heading for the shower in a few minutes because I have plans that I cannot change. Give me a call and let’s schedule a visit when we can really spend time together.” Then, don’t let them in the door.
Do Not Apologize
The thing to remember when unwanted and uninvited guests show up, is that it’s not up to you to say you’re sorry about anything. Of course, you want to be courteous and not rude to avoid turning the situation into unneeded drama, but you do want to be direct, assertive and don’t apologize if you cannot do something.
Even if you let them stay, don’t feel obligated to entertain them or spoil anyone on their vacation who has come by unannounced and uninvited. If you really cannot let them stay, it’s okay; it’s not your job to give them a free place to stay just because they are friends or family. You have a right to say no if that’s what you want. Likewise, you also have a right to say yes, with conditions, if that’s what you want to do.
