Whenever a couple first starts to live together or get married, everything is so new and 
exciting that you think it will go on forever. Unfortunately, day-to-day stresses and busy schedules can soon mean the excitement wears off and you feel like you are living in a well-worn rut. It’s like you’ve become roommates, not lovers, and have begun to take each other for granted.
It doesn’t have to be that way. The important thing is to know what bad habits are passion killers and avoid them. In fact, you could introduce some everyday habits that would prevent you from starting to take each other for granted. Here are some suggestions:
Learn Each Other’s Love Languages
The marriage counsellor Dr. Gary Chapman has written a series of books titled The 5 Love Languages. The five are:
* Acts of service
* Praise
* Gifts
* Quality time
* Physical touch
In the books, he states that everyone has a primary and secondary love language. Knowing your partner’s love language can help them feel appreciate and not taken for granted.
You might think you are being loving if you buy gifts or do acts of service, for example, but if your partner values quality time and physical touch, you will clearly not be speaking the same language.
Ironically, in many cases, one of the partners in a relationship will often become a workaholic because their love language is acts of service, but this will mean little to a partner who wants quality time with their significant other. The promise to “work less some day” often comes too little, too late, because the spouse waiting for quality time feels so alone and so taken for granted.
The workaholic partner can feel taken for granted as well: “I’m working so hard every day, and all my spouse ever does is complain I’m not home with them holding hands. Don’t they know I’m doing all this for THEM?”
Following Through on Your Love Language Research
You can each take the free quiz online to determine your primary and secondary love languages. If they don’t mesh at all, it will be important to discuss what you can each do to ensure that the other person doesn’t feel taken for granted. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Here are a few suggestions you can work into your daily schedule as positive habits that show you care, but without taking up too much time or money.
Acts of service
This means doing the dishes, taking out the trash, picking up after yourself, helping more with the children, doing the cooking or the laundry.
Make sure that whatever you choose is something you are good at and won’t feel resentful about doing. Each partner in the relationship should play to their strengths.
Praise
It’s easy to give words of praise:
* I’m so proud of you
* Well done
* That was amazing
* You’re such a great cook
* You’re a really great dad, helping out with the kids so much
* And so on
The praise should be sincere and, if possible, specific to something the other person has done. This shows you are noticing them and not taking them for granted.
Gifts
Little things can mean a lot:
* A single red rose
* Their favorite candy bar
* A piece of clothing you know they had their eye on at the mall
* A nice meal out
And anything else that you know they would like.
Quality time
This can be tough if you have kids, but it is worth it to make the effort:
* Thirty minutes of chatting and handholding once the kids are asleep
* A regular date night
* A shared activity you both enjoy, such as a walk at your local beauty spot
And so on.
Physical touch
In many cases, this will mean sex, but it can mean a lot of other things as well:
* Holding hands
* Hugging
* Kissing
* Trading massages
* Showering or bathing together
And anything else you both enjoy.
Find your love languages and give these ideas a try – then see how it helps being romance into your life rather than take each other for granted.
